Jerry's House of Ass Beating

You wanted, here it is.

Time for another foray into EL James's work of great beauty, Fifty Shades of Grey. Please consult this tag for previous editions.

I will, as usual, be liveblogging this process in this entry. I will give you the same caveats as my co-conspirator coffeesuperhero:

Things I cannot promise you:

+ that I will be funny
+ that I will be sorry for doing this
+ that you will enjoy this in any way

Things I can promise you:

+ I will definitely think I'm funny
+ I will drink a lot

Finally, don't try this at home, kids. (I'm guessing that's going to be a general theme for the book, by the way.)

Let me make a promise to you as well, flist: In this entry, as the others, you will not find me mocking the readers of this "fine" novel. I will be placing blame where it should be placed: on the author, editors, publishers, and characters of this abomination before the Lord. That's also what I expect in the comments. Got it?

I would like to remind you as well that anything I put in "double quotes" is a direct quote from the book. Anything in 'single quotes' is me fucking around. You will think I am fucking around more than I am, trust me.

( Mix your drink and let's begin. )

And at page 271, my children, THAT is as much as I can take of this fucking book. Christ on his throne. I had a drink and a half, but I need SO many more.

God almighty.

It's that time again, flist.

Time to go deeper into EL James's magnum opus, Fifty Shades of Grey.

God help us all.

I will, as last time, be liveblogging this process in this entry. I will give you the same caveats as my co-conspirator coffeesuperhero:

Things I cannot promise you:

+ that I will be funny
+ that I will be sorry for doing this
+ that you will enjoy this in any way

Things I can promise you:

+ I will definitely think I'm funny
+ I will drink a lot

Finally, don't try this at home, kids. (I'm guessing that's going to be a general theme for the book, by the way.)

Let me make a clarification, before we begin. In this entry, as the last one, you will not find me mocking the readers of this "fine" novel. I will be placing blame where it should be placed: on the author, editors, publishers, and characters of this abomination before the Lord. That's also what I expect in the comments. Got it?

I would like to remind you as well that anything I put in "double quotes" is a direct quote from the book. Anything in 'single quotes' is me fucking around. You will think I am fucking around more than I am, trust me.

( Let us begin. )

On that note, ladies and smizmars, I am out. That is another hundred pages down. No idea if I will pick it back up again, but there you have it. Along the way I drank a beer and an Agent Coulson, while hitting myself in the head with my ereader four times.

Good god this is a bad book. It's like ninjas bad.