Jerry's House of Ass Beating

So I had a bad experience with a blood draw today and I needed to get it out. CW for needles, sharp objects, consent issues in medical treatment, and suicidal ideation. ( Read more... )

So here's some stuff that's been going on in my life, and I wanted to share it because it's important for me to be open, for the people who can't. It's also a thing I am quite certain many people went through during lockdown and are also struggling with. I want to provide my story so that people see what can happen and that it can turn around.

Basically, I starved myself during lockdown on accident, and I'm trying to pull out of it. ( TW: weight loss, unhealthy eating, mental illness )

So here is the story of the most mortifying thing I ever had to do.

It is not the most mortifying thing I ever did, because I have mortified my friends on countless occasions. I'm getting better, but my life from about 14 to 23 was "Sabine no" "SABINE YES". But this is something I was required to do, even if I kind of got myself into it and should just have said no.

Content warning: high schoolers butchering Shakespeare, language shaming, extreme Englishness. ( Read more... )

I was put in mind of this, and I don't think I ever told anyone about it. So I present it to you: the weirdest interaction I ever had with a doctor.

Lest you start thinking this is the worst experience I ever had with a doctor, being discriminated against at the doctor when you're female-presenting/fat/queer/mentally ill is not weird, it's just morally wrong. I go to any new doctor fully expecting that they are against me, then work from that point. But this is not about that, because this story is supposed to be funny, or at least baffling.

And there is a lot of talk about liver cancer in this story, but nobody ended up having cancer. Except Patrick Swayze. I told you it was a weird story. ( Read more... )

I don't think I've shared this The Rest of the Story moment with y'all, but it's appropriately uplifting for a holiday: ( Read more... )

I made my first etsy listing in ten forevers! So if you ever wanted a cross stitch that says "Hallowed are the Ori" on it (and don't we all), please proceed to here. I set the price point what I feel is a little high, just to test the waters. We'll see what happens.

Didn't somebody here say that they sell cross stitch patterns on etsy? I make my own, but I don't know how to digitize them. Halp?

You guys I forgot to say!

I have had a brief ("brief", it took a month) phone saga; Franziska, my beloved and much-maligned Palm Pre, just up and stopped working. I had to get a go phone for a while, and oh my god, I wanted to bash it against the wall. It didn't even have predictive texting, and it defaulted to speakerphone every time I got a call- and before you call first world problems on me, let me point out that my eight dollar Guatemalan cell phone was VASTLY preferable.

But now I have Eames! He is a gorgeous Samsung Captivate Glide, because if you one day see me standing on a street corner and preaching, twigs in my hair, wearing sackcloth, it will be because I have been forced to use a touchscreen keyboard. But he is sexy, particularly because of the feedback vibration (heh)- like, buttons on the screen feel like keys, because you get feedback off them. Like I said. Sexy. Also he is an Android, so there are more than five apps. I am not an apps person, but, y'know. Being able to edit my gdocs is great, and Evernote is pretty epic.

The only problem is that I feel like a jackass holding him up to my ear, because he is ENORMOUS compared to Franziska and not, like, phone shaped. IDK. But who gets calls anymore?

I was going to take a picture of him but, uh, he's my camera right now, and I was going to get a screencap, but I read the instructions on how to take one and I was like tl;dr. So instead, here is Pakal II, my desktop, as photographed by Eames (picture is HUGENORMOUS and, uh. Maaaaay have some interesting text on it).

PS did I mention my email alert is the sound of a bottle being opened? It kind of makes me feel like a drunk, but it makes me so happy.

So now my electronic kit is Eames, Pakal II, Motoko the Zen, my externals Wintermute and Cayce, and Thomas Raith the eee. However, Thomas Raith is not long for this world. :( He's working fine, but he's almost four years old. Like, he's been a workhorse and a real trooper, but it's time to move on, esp. because the OS is no longer supported and I can't install anything new (long story). So if anyone has opinions on netbooks? He's 10 inches, and honestly I don't want anything bigger than about 12. I am poss. considering Lenovos. They look pretty sexy and are comfortably in my price range.

Hurrah! \o/

1. I'm cleaning up my oldest fic, right? Because I want everything from FF.net, Restricted Section, AFF, my journal, w/e, all on the AO3. This is the stuff from way back, the stuff that was the very first fanfiction I wrote consciously, knowing what I was doing what writing fanfiction.

So I did most of this work a year ago, and I imported all but just a few things from FF.net. It is important to note that I didn't read any of them; I just imported all of them and tossed them up. But oh god, there were a few things I had missed, and I read them. Oh my god that was an error in judgment. I just, goddamn.

But now, I've put up everything I can find (though now that I think about it I might need to recheck bloody_shorts), except for this one story.

It is, without a doubt, bar none, the worst story I have ever written in my entire life. This is not 100% shocking, because it was the second story I ever wrote, following my (adorable and harmless) Mary Sue, and it was the first porn I ever wrote. I remember having SUCH TROUBLE because I was 17 AND THREE QUARTERS YOU GUYS and it was SO SCARY to click the "I am over 18" button because I was afraid of the INTERNET POLICE.

You think I'm lying. You sit here and read all these kinky stories I been leaving all over the place, and you do not understand that I am a Good Girl at heart. I have been known to follow the Letter and not the Spirit, is what I'm saying.

So I don't know what to do about this story. I thought it wasn't available anywhere on the internet except behind a login at Restricted Section, but I just found it on my AFF profile. I'm so torn, because I'm a completist, and I feel that you have to own your mistakes. But y'all, this, this may just be too bad. We may have crossed the Rubicon on this one. I'll damn sure link to the sporking if I do post it, though (if I can find it, it's not tagged on the comm I know it's in).

So IDK. I'm not linking you to it if I post it. You can find it your damn selves.

2. WHY DID NO ONE EVER TELL ME OF THE EXISTENCE OF CAN'T SMEG, WON'T SMEG. YOU ARE ALL FIRED.

Ohhh my god, you have no idea how many fond memories I have of being a tiny Sabine, sitting in front of BBCA watching Can't Cook, Won't Cook and Ready Steady Cook. And if you didn't watch it on BBCA, you missed the best part, because it had American translations at the bottom. Like, it would have helpful little bars when they used a non-American term for something ("The courgette is also known as a zucchini!") or some food item that's not commonly used in America ("Crème fraîche is similar to sour cream" or "Clotted cream is... okay look we're not a hundred percent on what it is, but it tastes pretty good, so let's roll with it.").

That plus Red Dwarf = one ECSTATIC Sabine.

3. Random: Don't tell me what it is, but do you have your credit/debit card number memorized? We're talking about the number proper, from the front of the card, not the account number.

I have always had my debit card number memorized, and this seems to blow people's minds. Seriously, though, y'all, if you have a MasterCard from an American bank (regional banks, at least), the first eight numbers for any card number drawn on a specific account are always going to be the same, and the last four you need all the time for verification; it's only four numbers you have to memorize.

Why is this hard? Am I just being weird again?

I am particularly perplexed by this, because my mother thinks this is an amazing skill, and she has Masters (Masterses?) in both math and accounting.

4. So this is going around again, pocky_slash being the proximal cause: Post the first sentence (or three) from every WIP you're currently working on, even if it's very short. Then invite people to ask questions about your WIPs. With any luck, the motivation to take that WIP one step closer to completion will appear as if by magic!

The "first" part doesn't work for me- can't be buggered- But here are some bits anyway. I think this is all XMFC, but it may please you to note that the Atlantis story farthest up the queue is labeled "what what (in the butt)". As one does.

( The working titles = best part. Also these got real long somehow )

1. Am I alone in this, or is The Usual Suspects an ENORMOUSLY slashy movie? I have just seen it for the first time, you understand, and love it unreservedly because I have a hardon for unreliable narration, but I mean, everybody seems like they're about thirty seconds from fucking everybody else.

TO THE AO3

2. Dear children, I am ready to go HOME because being with my parents is, as always, driving me MENTAL. For various reasons it's much worse this year, but the one saving grace is we're not going out to see my extended family. Lord. I want to go home and sit on my couch and perhaps sip some wine and definitely watch lots of movies and TV I haven't caught up on.

3. Okay, here's the thing with the LJ/DW thing:

There is nothing, nothing in this whole thing that I would like better than fandom to just pull up stakes and move en masse to DW. It's not a "let's stick it to LJ" thing- as much as I love to stick it to the man- it's a "hey, we could be doing so much better for ourselves" sort of thing. We could leave something that is starting to become kind of rickety and busted-ass for the new hotness- and unlike certain other LJ clones I could mention, they're actually committed to, y'know, being a real thing, not something cobbled together in someone's basement to get around LJ's TOS.

That being said.

I'm not going to stop crossposting. The whole reason is the people on LJ. As much as I can wave the DW flag, I didn't even want to move over at first; I wouldn't have unless people I liked hadn't stopped/all but stopped using LJ. And I can do that, I can do what I can, but I'm not going to ditch my friends because they won't move.

I'm also not going to close comments; almost all the posts on this journal are 1) friends-locked RL posts 2) fic posts. If I turn off comments, 1) my LJ friends can't comment on locked entries (I am sure there is a way to do this through openID, but, really, that's not going to happen) 2) my comment count will go down on fic posts (no, trust me on this one, people really will not comment if you don't give them to option to do it where it's most convenient).

So. For the foreseeable future, you can find me in both places, but if it gets to the point where I feel the need to move, I'll be moving to DW, not back to LJ. That ship has sailed.

Okay. Back to the porn and the cat macros.

This dream was so strange I feel like it needs to be saved for posterity. ( LA, Space Boyfriends, fake Christmas trees, etc) )