Oh god, what have we done.

[sabinetzin]

Title: Public Timeline
By: sabinelagrande/sabinetzin and arymabeth
Summary: @dr_dr_mckay is stuck in a jumper at the bottom of the ocean & needs your help! Please RT!!
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis/Stargate: SG-1
Word Count: ~2000
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, language, incredible silliness, spoilers for Grace Under Pressure, total crack
Pairing: A whole lot of them, in sort of a slapsticky way, but mostly Weir/Caldwell, Lorne/Zelenka, one-sided McKay/Carter, O'Neill/Carter, Vala/Daniel, and a little McShep for flavor
A/N: So there are a couple of nu!Trek fics going around that immortalize the Enterprise crew's Twitter feeds. So we were talking about it, and arymabeth went "They so use twitter at the SGC" and I went, "Dude, what if they were on twitter during Grace Under Pressure". And, lo, this happened. And we do not apologize for it at all.

---

dr_dr_mckay: is returning from the mainland, safe and sound, ho hum
About five hours ago from Jumper 6

---

dr_dr_mckay: oh shit
About five hours ago from Jumper 6

---

l_griffin: MAYDAY!! PLEASE RT
About five hours ago from Jumper 6

---

j_shep: RT @l_griffin MAYDAY!! PLEASE RT
About five hours ago from Atlantis

---

scot_carson: @j_shep you know, maybe this twitter thing's gotten out of hand
About five hours ago from Atlantis in reply to j_shep

---

dr_dr_mckay: sinking into ocean, SEND HELP!!!!!!
About five hours ago from tablet

---

dr_radek: @dr_dr_mckay are you reading this?? answer goddamn you
About four hours ago from Atlantis in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

dr_dr_mckay: @dr_radek what the hell do you want?
About four hours ago from tablet

---

dr_radek: @dr_dr_mckay URGENT DM coordinates to me plz
About four hours ago from Atlantis

---

dr_dr_mckay: is anybody reading? I keep getting the fail whale every time I try to reload
About four hours ago from tablet

---

j_shep: @dr_dr_mckay we read you, hang in there
About four hours ago from Atlantis in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

dr_radek: Anyone up for exciting rescue? come to jumper bay #mckayrescue
About four hours ago from Atlantis

---

dr_dr_mckay: Hello? @ reply if you get this
About four hours ago from tablet

---

liz_weir: @dr_dr_mckay Rodney, we read you
About four hours ago from Atlantis

---

r_mcnabb: @dr_radek @j_shep I has a grapple =D u has tether? #mckayrescue
About four hours ago from Atlantis

---

dr_radek: @r_mcnabb @dr_simpson @mikoneko we narrow search area? yes? #mckayrescue
About three hours ago from Atlantis

---

dr_dr_mckay: GOD WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE
About three hours ago from tablet

---

j_shep: @dr_radek you want sea monster?
About three hours ago from Atlantis

---

dr_dr_mckay: I'M LOSING BLOOD
About three hours ago from tablet

---

dr_dr_mckay: #FOLLOWFRIDAY @dr_dr_mckay 'S RADIO SIGNAL
About three hours ago from tablet

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter FINALLY someone answers
About three hours ago from tablet

---

sgcarter: @dr_dr_mckay ??
About three hours ago from SGC in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter so, you come here often?
About three hours ago from tablet

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter you want to?
About three hours ago from tablet

---

sgoneill: @dr_dr_mckay how'd you like to make that visit down there permanent?
About three hours ago from Washington in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter did you just hear something?
About three hours ago from tablet

---

sgcarter: @sgoneill Sir, I don't think he's getting your tweets
About three hours ago from SGC in reply to sgoneill

---

sgoneill: @sgcarter @dr_dr_mckay can you tweet a foot to an ass?
About three hours ago from Washington in reply to sgcarter

---

djackson: @sgcarter @sgoneill @dr_dr_mckay I think tweetdeck has an addon for that
About three hours ago from SGC in reply to sgoneill

---

genlandry: what the hell do i pay you people for
About three hours ago from SGC

---

genlandry: shit, i try again: @sgcarter @sgoneill @djackson what the hell do i pay you people for
About three hours ago from SGC

---

vala_md: @genlandry ... we get paid? hot damn!
About three hours ago from SGC in reply to genlandry

---

specialistdex: @genlandry go on and send that back pay any time
About three hours ago from Atlantis in reply to genlandry

---

teyla_e: @genlandry @specialistdex In what form of currency is this pay?
About three hours ago from Atlantis in reply to genlandry

---

sgoneill: @genlandry Actually, I pay you
About three hours ago from Washington in reply to genlandry

---

djackson: @sgoneill God help us all
About three hours ago from SGC in reply to sgoneill

---

liz_weir: @specialistdex @teyla_e @genlandry If we could please get back to the rescue?
About three hours ago from Atlantis

---

specialistdex: @liz_weir @teyla_e sure. point where you want me to shoot
About three hours ago from Atlantis in reply to liz_weir

---

liz_weir: So you get back on Tuesday? Well, I can think of a couple good things to do with that captain's chair
About three hours ago from Atlantis

---

liz_weir: Uh, sorry everyone, that was meant to be a DM to @col_steven
About three hours ago from Atlantis

---

j_shep: @liz_weir we know. we were going to pretend it didn't happen
About three hours ago from Atlantis in reply to liz_weir

---

sgcarter: @liz_weir @col_steven …
About three hours ago from SGC in reply to liz_weir

---

dr_radek: is in his room if anyone needs him
About three hours ago from Atlantis

---

lorne: @dr_radek need any help in there?
About three hours ago from Atlantis in reply to dr_radek

---

dr_radek: @lorne yes, plz. I have, er, troubles.
About three hours ago from Atlantis in reply to lorne

---

lorne: @dr_radek be right there to help with ... that Ancient device, of course
About three hours ago from Atlantis in reply to dr_radek

---

j_shep: @dr_radek @lorne Guys? Rescue? McKay? Sinking into ocean? Any bells?
About three hours ago from Atlantis in reply to dr_radek

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter WHY ARE YOU NOT NAKED
About three hours ago from tablet

---

sgoneill: @col_steven Turn around. I got shit to do in Pegasus.
About three hours ago from Washington

---

sgcarter: @genlandry Permission to block @dr_dr_mckay, sir?
About three hours ago from SGC

---

genlandry: which one is the block button
About three hours ago from SGC

---

genlandry: sh!t
About three hours ago from SGC

---

genlandry: @djackson which one is the block button
About three hours ago from SGC

---

walter: @genlandry The one that says block, sir.
About three hours ago from SGC in reply to genlandry

---

djackson: @genlandry Just tell her it's okay.
About three hours ago from SGC in reply to genlandry

---

genlandry: @sgcarter there i blocked mckay, see how it works now
About three hours ago from SGC

---

sgcarter: @genlandry You know what? I think I'll just deal with it.
About three hours ago from SGC

---

j_shep: @sgcarter @dr_dr_mckay I don't even want to know
About two hours ago from Atlantis

---

jaffa_nation: RT @teal_c: Today's Kel'no'reem Tip: Try scented candles for a more relaxing atmosphere
About two hours ago from Chulak

---

dr_dr_mckay: @GIANT WHALE OUTSIDE PLEASE DON'T KILL ME
About two hours ago from tablet

---

dr_radek: @dr_dr_mckay rodney, twitter does not work that way
About two hours ago from Atlantis

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter YOU'RE OUT TO GET ME
About two hours ago from tablet

---

drheightmeyer: @dr_dr_mckay I'm moving up your next appointment.
About two hours ago from Atlantis in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

dr_dr_mckay: haven't been getting tweets from anybody but @sgcarter since crash, WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE
About two hours ago from tablet

---

liz_weir: @drheightmeyer If you could go ahead and book appointments for all senior staff, that would be great. #seniorstaff
About two hours ago from Atlantis in reply to drheightmeyer

---

scot_carson: @liz_weir @drheightmeyer I haven't done anything!
About two hours ago from Atlantis in reply to liz_weir

---

liz_weir: @drheightmeyer And these are mandatory. #seniorstaff
About two hours ago from Atlantis in reply to drheightmeyer

---

j_shep: @drheightmeyer Did I tell you about that dream I had where Rodney was sinking in a jumper, and nobody cared? #mckayrescue
About two hours ago from Atlantis in reply to drheightmeyer

---

dr_dr_mckay: trying for liftoff from ocean bottom, no matter what @sgcarter says #stuckinjumper2electricboogaloo
About two hours ago from tablet

---

teyla_e: @j_shep I care deeply, John, but it seems I was excluded from this briefing.
About two hours ago from Atlantis in reply to j_shep

---

j_shep: @teyla_e http://tinyurl.com/6kx8y
About two hours ago from Atlantis in reply to teyla_e

---

specialistdex: @teyla_e @j_shep rotflmao
About two hours ago from Atlantis in reply to j_shep

---

teyla_e: @j_shep When this matter is concluded, I will see you for bantos practice.
About two hours ago from Atlantis in reply to j_shep

---

j_shep: @dr_radek so, how about that submarine ride I promised? #mckayrescue
About an hour ago from Atlantis

---

dr_radek: @j_shep http://i.imgur.com/Omuv2FU.jpg
About an hour ago from Atlantis in reply to j_shep

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter FUCK YOU AND YOUR PHYSICS
About an hour ago from tablet

---

vala_md: @sgcarter He's got you there.
About an hour ago from SGC

---

djackson: @vala_md Why are you following @dr_dr_mckay, anyway?
About an hour ago from SGC in reply to vala_md

---

vala_md: @djackson i follow everyone. i like to make them feel included
About an hour ago from SGC in reply to djackson

---

djackson: @vala_md >[
About an hour ago from SGC in reply to vala_md

---

genlandry: @vala_md if you're that bored, i can think of a few things that need doing around here
About an hour ago from SGC in reply to vala_md

---

walter: @vala_md PLEASE say you're that bored
About an hour ago from SGC

---

walter: is browsing on USAJobs. Again.
About an hour ago from SGC

---

djackson: @genlandry @walter she's that bored. and that annoying. please.
About an hour ago from SGC in reply to genlandry

---

vala_md: @djackson Oh, you're no fun anymore. Am I going to have to get the rope?
About an hour ago from SGC in reply to djackson

---

j_shep: well i'm glad everyone's having SO MUCH FUN
About an hour ago from Jumper 8

---

sgoneill: @vala_md @djackson http://i.imgur.com/v7GPGyX.gif
59 minutes ago from Washington

---

specialistdex: @sgoneill can i get in on that?
56 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to sgoneill

---

sgoneill: @specialistdex ::passes bag::
55 minutes ago from Washington in reply to specialistdex

---

j_shep: is updating his USAJobs resume as soon as he gets back. Thanks, @walter!
50 minutes ago from Jumper 8

---

dr_radek: @j_shep oh shut up and activate shield
49 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to j_shep

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter so cold
49 minutes ago from tablet

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter you could warm me up?
48 minutes ago from tablet

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter oh, forget it, you're a crappy hallucination anyway
44 minutes ago from tablet

---

col_steven: @liz_weir @genlandry Daedalus commandeered by O'Neill, returning to Atlantis. Suggest hiding Dr. McKay if recovered.
43 minutes ago from USS Daedalus

---

liz_weir: @col_steven =D
42 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to col_steven

---

specialistdex: @liz_weir did you just send him a dick?
41 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to liz_weir

---

col_steven: @chuck Will you show her how to DM again?
41 minutes ago from USS Daedalus

---

chuck: *facepalm*
40 minutes ago from Atlantis

---

j_shep: @dr_dr_mckay can you hear me now?
39 minutes ago from Jumper 8

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter shut up! I hear something!
38 minutes ago from tablet

---

dr_radek: @j_shep srsly? Americans and the damned television
38 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to j_shep

---

j_shep: @dr_radek STFU AND EXTEND THE SHIELD
38 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to dr_radek

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter YOU CANNOT TELL ME YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT
37 minutes ago from tablet

---

scot_carson: @j_shep don't let him fall asleep in the jumper
37 minutes ago from Atlantis

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter YEAH BUT WHAT IF HE'S IMAGINARY
36 minutes ago from tablet

---

j_shep: @dr_dr_mckay Rodney open the goddamned door
36 minutes ago from Jumper 8

---

j_shep: @dr_dr_mckay I swear to God, I'll leave your ass down here with the whale
36 minutes ago from Jumper 8

---

dr_radek: @j_shep Leave him. I take his quarters. Need bigger bathtub. For... reasons.
35 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to j_shep

---

lorne: @dr_radek @j_shep I mean, if he doesn't want to come...
35 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to j_shep

---

sgoneill: @dr_radek @lorne @j_shep http://i.imgur.com/q8yd3qS.jpg
34 minutes ago from USS Daedalus in reply to dr_radek

---

sgcarter: @dr_radek @sgoneill @lorne @j_shep DAMMIT YOU GUYS
34 minutes ago from SGC in reply to sgoneill

---

sgcarter: @j_shep I will never sleep soundly again if you leave him down there with his fantasy of me
34 minutes ago from SGC in reply to j_shep

---

dr_dr_mckay: @j_shep IF YOU'RE NOT IMAGINARY, I'M OPENING UP
33 minutes ago from tablet

---

chuck: @dr_dr_mckay @j_shep that's what she said. OH!
33 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

dr_radek: @dr_dr_mckay whale says hi
33 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

dr_dr_mckay: @j_shep @dr_radek WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN
32 minutes ago from Jumper 8

---

dr_dr_mckay: @sgcarter bye :(
32 minutes ago from Jumper 8

---

j_shep: @dr_dr_mckay oh, I'm sorry I didn't just throw on my swim trunks and backstroke ALL THE WAY THE FUCK DOWN HERE
30 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

dr_dr_mckay: @j_shep COULD WE DISCUSS THIS WHEN I DON'T HAVE THE BENDS
29 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to j_shep

---

specialistdex: @dr_dr_mckay is that like the trots?
28 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

j_shep: @specialistdex in the horribleness factor? yes
27 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to specialistdex

---

dr_dr_mckay: @specialistdex You filthy caveman.
26 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to specialistdex

---

dr_dr_mckay: ....... wait, shit, have my tweets been going through down here?
24 minutes ago from Jumper 8

---

col_steven: *facepalm*
24 minutes ago from USS Daedalus

---

sgcarter: @dr_dr_mckay YES
24 minutes ago from SGC in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

chuck: *screencap'd!*
24 minutes ago from Atlantis

---

lorne: @chuck e-mail?
23 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to chuck

---

dr_dr_mckay: @genlandry Am I fired?
23 minutes ago from Jumper 8

---

sgoneill: @dr_dr_mckay into the sun? yes.
22 minutes ago from USS Daedalus in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

j_shep: @dr_dr_mckay Relax, i think he's still got you blocked
21 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

j_shep: @dr_dr_mckay on the other hand, @sgoneill 's been reading you loud and clear
20 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

liz_weir: @lorne Security detail to the infirmary, please.
19 minutes ago from Atlantis

---

dr_radek: @scot_carson mckay is attempting to escape, we sedate him, yes?
18 minutes ago from Jumper 8

---

sgoneill: @col_steven CAN'T THIS BUCKET GO ANY FASTER
17 minutes ago from USS Daedalus

---

hermiod: @sgoneill Increasing speed at this juncture would be highly inadvisable due to stress on the hyperdrive. I could attempt to gain additional …
17 minutes ago from USS Daedalus in reply to sgoneill

---

col_steven: @majormarks Can you make him go away for a while?
15 minutes ago from USS Daedalus

---

majormarks: @col_steven which one, sir?
15 minutes ago from USS Daedalus in reply to col_steven

---

col_steven: @majormarks I'm not picky.
15 minutes ago from USS Daedalus in reply to majormarks

---

j_shep: @dr_dr_mckay thank god you're okay, baby
14 minutes ago from Jumper 8 in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

col_steven: DAMMIT PEOPLE SENDING DMs IS NOT HARD
14 minutes ago from USS Daedalus

---

liz_weir: I can think of something that's gonna be
14 minutes ago from Atlantis

---

col_steven: *headconsole*
13 minutes ago from USS Daedalus

---

specialistdex: @col_steven hey, but it makes our lives a hell of a lot more entertaining
13 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to col_steven

---

col_steven: hates everyone
12 minutes ago from USS Daedalus

---

teyla_e: http://i.imgur.com/v7GPGyX.gif
11 minutes ago from Atlantis

---

j_shep: @teyla_e that better not be out of my stash
10 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to teyla_e

---

teyla_e: @j_shep I believe that the phrase is "finders keepers, losers weepers"
9 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to j_shep

---

jaffa_nation: To learn more about Tau'ri phrases, attend our instructional seminar next month!
8 minutes ago from Chulak

---

lorne: @teyla_e share? ::puppy eyes::
7 minutes ago from Atlantis in reply to teyla_e

---

h_of_t: @genlandry What the hell is going on down there?
6 minutes ago from Texas

---

genlandry: i don't even know, sir. i told you these newfangled things would cause trouble
4 minutes ago from SGC

---

scot_carson: @nursemarie @j_kel Prepare the infirmary if you would, loves, and mind you don't upset the security team
3 minutes ago from Atlantis

---

dr_bill_lee: Twitter will be down for approx. 1 hour at 1900 Zulu for server upgrades. Please plan accordingly. #maintenance
2 minutes ago from SGC

---

dr_dr_mckay: THANK GOD
2 minutes ago from tablet

---

scot_carson: @dr_dr_mckay Give me that thing right now
1 minute ago from Atlantis in reply to dr_dr_mckay

---

dr_dr_mckay: @scot_carson you petty tyrlksa;s
1 minute ago from tablet in reply to scot_carson

---

nursemarie: @scot_carson Don't worry, the morphine is in. He'll forgive you
45 seconds ago from Atlantis

---

scot_carson: @lorne Could you please escort @j_shep - why am I doing this? you're standing right next to me
15 seconds ago from Atlantis

---

liz_weir: @scot_carson Oddly addicting, isn't it?
1 second ago from Atlantis in reply to scot_carson

---

Comments

[queenbarwench]

*iz ded from TOO MUCH FUNNY*

This almost makes me want to get a twitter account.

[anatsuno]

*endless giggling!*

[helens78]

Aaaaahahahaha SO MUCH AWESOME!

[ex_bel786]

LOL!

[cesare]

:D :D :D

[yevgenie]

This is fucking *deadly* levels of hilarity. I particularly love Rodney and the hallucination tweets, and John's pissy reminders. Also the "spam." HEE.

[juniperphoenix]

This is hilarious and wonderful. :)

(here via bluemeridian)

[davincis_girl]

I came here following a rec. I can't believe there are only 7 comments. This is so damned funny. I read a (slightly edited version) aloud to my kids and they were laughing aloud. Brilliant work.