::taps microphone::

[sabinetzin]

Sorry I haven't been around, guys; I've been hanging out almost exclusively at twitter, with some tumblr thrown in.

I stop by now to pose a question: I'm writing a BDSM for fic primer. Any questions/issues anybody would like to see addressed? You won't be named in the post.

Comments

[kate]

You know, I saw this and was all "YES YES YES!" but I can't think of any specific questions. More just that I am excited you're doing this, and having a whole "negotiation" or "consent" area I can point to is going to be brilliant. So I guess, for me, I'm interested in those two areas specifically, but in a general sort of way. (This coming from someone who is not at all kinky IRL, so anything you post is going to be eaten up ravenously.)

I'm also dead curious about subspace as a concept and am really, really intrigued by it, but I don't know how much you want to write about it, so I don't know how useful/appropriate my questions would be. The things I wonder about it are sort of really beginner questions, things I think I know the answer to but would like to have another opinion on. Things like: what kind of things affect whether or not you can get into subspace? How much of it is internal vs external? (Obviously both the setting and your own frame of mind affect the process, but is there a ratio? Is it wildly divergent from one person to the next? (Presumably, but still. Looking for validation.)) Any recs for good descriptions of subspace and/or getting in and out of it?

I'm also curious about discovery of enjoying subbing and motivations for wanting to sub (or is it not a choice like that - is it just a part of who you are?). Like I said - complete noob about this stuff, so I hope that's not actually offensive. I apologize if it is (I have half a mind that it is; the couple friends that I have that are subby seem very much like it is simply a part of who they are, but speaking as someone who conscientiously chose to be queer, I never assume on these points).

Uh, hi. So apparently I do have questions? And I hope they are useful, and if not, please do ignore, and know that I am super excited about this and cannot wait to see your primer, whatever it contains. *\o/*

[j00j]

Dungeons/play party spaces usually aren't particularly glamorous. I mean I have no real problem with plush fantasy dungeons but people should probably know it's more likely to be a warehouse or a mildly sketchy bar with a dance floor.

Probably a lot about limits and how people new to these things won't know what they are and it ain't all going to go smooth. Also that people have physical limitations, probably even superheroes. I'm willing to handwave a lot for fic, but I think it'd also be interesting to see more stories about people working with and around the realities of having a physical body with particular limits.

I'm sure there are other things but they're not coming to mind right now.

[sassbandit]

Ooh! Yes, this: http://sassbandit.dreamwidth.org/30532.html (it's a pet peeve of mine in fic and in the BDSM scene generally.)

[devon]

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html is my go-to site for basic and intermediate info. I send newbies there all the time.

Stuff that personally concerns me in fic:
. NOT EVERYONE WEARS BLACK LEATHER!
. tops also have limits and can safeword and/or be traumatised.
. people can forget to use their safewords when they get too involved.
. safewording doesn't make you weak (and the top should tell the bottom that explicitly). practicing safewords ahead of time is a great idea.
. too much dirty talk can take people out of scene headspace, depending on the kind of scene.
. cutting and branding are pretty unusual and extreme practices - the author should examine why they might want something extreme rather than more mainstream bdsm. (which is already kinky enough.)
. simple spankings and bondage can be pretty damned hot.
. sometimes triggering bad memories is not a complete tragedy. (again, why does the author want to write about someone breaking down completely from a trigger? Some people do, and others don't.)

I'm sure there are more, but those are most of the things that I've found very pleasing or very annoying in fanfic.

Thanks for soliciting ideas!
Feel free to engage me in conversation if you like. I have about 16 years' RL experience, both private and public.

[foobar137]

First: woo, thank you for this.

I think a few useful bits on the difference between BDSM Fantasy and BDSM Reality would be nice. the BDSM community likes to present itself as an abuse-free safe space, and...hearing that it has issues with creepers who aren't kicked out because "Oh, that's just Fred" hurt me.

Safewords are an awesome concept, but there are always issues. People are scared to use them. Doms get upset when they're used for reasons they don't consider "good enough". People get caught up and forget to use them.

Fancy ropework takes a lot of time to tie. Leather goods are expensive. Metal is even more expensive, and can be hard to store unobtrusively. Metal chafes. Cheap convenience-store handcuffs break, sometimes in a locked position.

If I had a nickel for every story I've read where somebody is left bound and alone all day with no bathroom access, I'd be able to afford those expensive leather toys. Make it a dime whenever someone is left gagged all day with no way to drink and no way out if they throw up, and I could afford the metal ones.

sassbandit's article on checklists is great - negotiation is far too frequently seen as being boring legalese paperwork.

Doms don't have to be assholes. Subs don't have to be wimps.

I'll try to think of more to add.

[ariadne83]

Number one thing that concerns me in BDSM fic: when the dom/me ties up the sub and leaves them there. Alone. For hours. While they go do something else, like leave the building to get groceries or whatever.

Am I being too sensitive or is that badwrong?